A Christmas Gift Guide.

Am I being serious, or simply having a laugh?

It’s the time of the year when we try our very best to spend money we don’t have on things we don’t need to impress people who do not care.

I have an algorithm which was written 10 years ago, mostly targeted towards girls in the 2010s. (I really do not remember buying gifts for men.)

And here’s my shtick:
1. Moleskine Notebook 2. Aesop Handcream 3. Tea from Lupicia

So, studs have a drawer full of condoms, while I bore gifts for girls so they could sip on their cup of sencha with moisturised hands, documenting how nice a friend I was to them in the arms of other men. (He gets me! Just like another brother. Aww.)

Brr. Ghost from friendzone past. Cold.

Anyway, it’s the present(ha!) day. And I am now a sophisticated photographer slash food writer slash dadfluencer.
I’ve moved on to adult gifting. A professional.

This gift guide is a note I keep whenever I see something wanky. As I went through my list last week I realised I have lost the plot, because some of them weren’t as wanky as I thought.

Maybe they were simply what my subconscious yearned for, but couldn’t convince my inner-Asian self to actually pull the trigger.

So for my white friends living in Prahran, it’s probably the perfect gift list.
My Asian friends, a perfect game of ‘is he, or is he not insulting our ancestors?’

A Christmas personality test.
Enjoy.

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A $150 Fish Weight

It’s a weight, for cooking fish. And it’s $150. As if being deceived by bait and death weren't humiliating enough, the fish gets to be pressed by a recycled door handle branded by capitalism postmortem. I bonded with food writer @thatdamnjessho over this fish weight.

Why not use another pot? Why not a kettle? Why not stand and press hard with your spatula? A cast-iron pan?

Nay, a celebrity chef endorsed fish weight, it must be.
I really thought Bon Appetit’s review was a parody, but no, I think they’re serious.
And it’s constantly sold out.
This makes me wonder: who’s the crazy one?

It would’ve topped my ‘wankiest’ gift of the year award, if not for the last minute black horse: