Fifty Cents to Five Dollars.
Chan had been waiting for me at the bar in Conrad for an hour. My wedding shoot went over but he said all good, he just sent his wife home to vote, he's all alone anyway.
“I haven't seen you since 2004 man, tonight I'm ready to walk the whole circumference of Singapore with you.”
Call it chemistry, personality, astrology, Feng Shui… There are people you met for half a semester in uni almost 10 years ago, yet behave as if you've known each other forever.
I was out since morning, all I wanted was a sip of water and to enjoy the comfy chair. I was not going to eat, and I wasn’t going to drink - still recovering from skulling a gin & tonic at 5 in the afternoon.
“Dude, are you joking? To be honest, even during college days I never knew if you're being serious or not."
Actually, I was full because the couple just made me drink a bowl of pumpkin lobster soup.
You know what, I've never had the Singapore Sling.
“Ok, Long Bar at Raffles. Can, no problem. I'll take you there.”
Chan is a lawyer, practising family law in Singapore.
“A good lawyer will tell you his high fee upfront, rather than roping you in and screwing you after.”
The queue was long at Long Bar, there's a joke in there somewhere.
“Don't worry, let's walk to River Quay. Do you like Mamak? There’s a good place call Shah Alam.”
And we walked.
We walked to an area with lots of noise and people partying.
“This is the drinking area. These girls standing in front of the bar, if you buy enough expensive drinks, they'll let you do things to them.”
I liked how we were both married middle-aged men, but we talked like we were still in primary school.
Do things to them, hehehehehe
When we found a table at Shah Alam, it was 10pm.
I’ve been carrying over 10kg of gear on my back, and really did not feel like eating.
“You sure? Ok I'll have a Maggi Goreng kambing, tambah mata kerbau.”
Oh man.
That sounded so good.
I know Americans have the Big Mac chant. Two all-beef patty something something, something something sesame buns.
For kids growing up in Malaysia, our chant was Maggi Goreng, tak mau bawang, tambah mata kerbau, teh o ais limau.
That translates to fried Maggi noodles, no onions, a sunny-side-up, iced lime black tea.
I wanted Maggi Goreng, but I did not need it.
What I needed were electrolytes.
So I ordered a coconut.
And I watched Chan eat his lamb Maggi Goreng like a hungry ghost.
Maggi Goreng - fried Maggi noodles are exactly what it sounds like.
Remember that Asian romcom with Keanu Reeves in a wanky restaurant scene, asking for a dish that plays with the concept of time?
This is it.
Goreng means ‘fried’, so Maggi Goreng is stir-fried Maggi noodles.
Instant noodles, with wok hei.
Fast food, made slow.
Soupy noodles, served dry.
Malaysians don’t remember it, but all of them had their mind blown the first time they tasted this concept of a dish.
A fifty-cent camping ration, elevated to a $5 dish you order in a restaurant.
One day, history will write that the dish was invented by mistake. You know, Mr. Yusuf ran out of noodles one day and used instant noodles instead, and realised it tasted great and how it spread around the community.
But we all know it's because Maggi is cheaper than fresh noodles, and it comes with its own seasoning.
I'm sure somewhere in the world, someone is doing Shin Ramyun Goreng or Nissin Cup Noodle Goreng or <enter your instant noodle> Goreng.
You can't laugh, because the last time I went to Chicago you served me Mexican food in a bag of Fritos.
You can't laugh, because if you do, you are laughing at a whole generation of Indian Muslims, the Mamaks. Advice: do not use the word unless you’re referring to Mamak stalls.
They've been squeezed out by the Malay Muslims and Hindu Indians in Malaysia, hence most became street vendors selling street food like Roti Canai, Teh Tarik, Rojak, Mee Goreng and yes, Maggi Goreng.
It’s a dish that shows how you have to be smart to survive. Darwin, I Ching, whatever man, we gotta roll with it.
It's also foolproof.
Here’s Kenji Lopez Alt to explain the science behind it.
Kidding, we don't need an MIT scientist to tell us that boiled instant noodles, stir-fried in a wok with MSG seasoning taste amazing.
(Ironically, the world’s most famous instant noodle - Indomie’s Mi Goreng has nothing ‘goreng’ about it at all.)
Before we met up, Chan texted me that he could finish his life story in 5 minutes, then we could talk about me.
Yet, he told me about his first divorce. (That’s when you visited in 2015 la, I was not in a right place, and that’s why I canceled our meeting.) How his family did not offer support, and how thatn can be difficult as a family law lawyer.
He told me that he gave up his Malaysian citizenship, and he did not expect to be emotional when they just took his Malaysian passport.
“Man, I thought they'd just stamp it and let me keep it. I almost cried.”
He talked about how he's used to politics at work. A Malaysian turned Singaporean is no match to a Singaporean Singaporean.
“This one time my boss had to let me go, and she was all tensed with the HR lady in the same room. I just said ‘say no more, tell me where to sign and I’ll sign it right now.’ Then she started saying how capable I was, how appreciative she was…”
“Sometimes, people are just unhappy that you're happy.”
My bag felt heavier.
Given a choice, no one wants to leave home.
Given a choice, no one wants to be alone.
We walked back to my hotel, after buying some 100 Plus (more electrolytes).
His life is better now.
He came out solo during covid and is now working from home.
His current wife is supportive, they have a dog, and they live in the down-to-earth part of town. They’re not going to have a kid, because that’s just cruel in Singapore.
I was supposed to make him hotel coffee but we just talked.
If I weren't a man and if he didn't have to work the next day, and if we weren’t married, I'm not sure if we wouldn't have hooked up out of loneliness, you know, let him do things to me.
It probably didn't help that it was also election day in Malaysia, and we were both not voting for our old country.
“Election is all about power. The outcome will not affect any of us.”
He took a cab home around 12am.
And left a text message the next day saying it was really good hanging out, and sorry he left his empty 100 Plus bottle in my room.
Wait, did we or did we not hook up?
Since coming back from Singapore, I have made Maggi Goreng three times now.
Maybe, because I didn't order it at Shah Alam when I had the chance.
Maybe, it reminds me of Singapore. (Malaysia?) A friend I met twice in 10 years.
Or maybe, it's just a really cheap and simple dish.
Now, the Mamak stores use the Kari flavour Maggi Noodles.
Which means you need to find the Malaysian Maggi noodles.
Easy in Melbourne, rest of the world, I'm not sure.
Boil noodles for a minute or until your desired al dente-ness.
Heat oil in pan, add a quarter of sliced onion, carrots, protein, (mamak likes lamb because halal,) green vegetables, tofu puffs, and add noodles.
Dissolve half (or full, up to you) a packet of the packet seasoning in two tbsp of water, add some dark soy, kecap manis, or to complete the ecosystem, Maggi seasoning sauce or tomato sauce.
Crack an egg or cook a sunny side up separately.
Toss and mix.
Beansprouts or spring onions if you have some.
It's not much, but it's home.
Maybe, the dish reminds me that one man’s fifty cents can be another man’s five dollars.
Extra special for a Malaysian to read this. Thank you. ❤️