Scallion Oil Noodles.
A dish to fight recession.
In an alternate universe, I'm a billionaire crypto genius rolling in financial instinct, buying low and selling high on my G5, sausage finger on the pulse.
In this current universe though, I could only observe the subtle signs like a phleb.
For instance, I received a cold call from a real estate agent today - he said we interacted in 2019. That's telling of the current real estate market, isn't it?
Here's another hint - for the last year, content creators on Youtube, TikTok, started making scallion oil noodles. Cong You Ban Mian 葱油拌面.
Suddenly, everyone is digging up their ancestors’ graves for this dish that requires three ingredients - scallion, oil, and noodles.
Maybe it's just me, I thought, my phone must be eavesdropping on my constant noodle making, triggering the algorithm.
And then I saw it - a split second from the movie Everything Everywhere All At Once* - the only cooking shot in the whole movie, those slimy extruded wheat strings.
What the universe is implying, is that times are getting tough. The gatekeepers are telling us to buckle up and get ready to kiss eating out, caviars, expensive wines, sea urchins, goodbye.
Time to make some comfort food and get in touch with your grandfather’s spending budget.
The dish is also an antidote to the current cultural climate - it's simple, cheap, and forgiving. A bite-size recipe, a participation award. Most importantly, it doesn't offend anyone.
And of course, if done right, it tastes amazing.
If Marco Polo stole zhajiangmian and repackaged it as bolognese, then Aglio e olio is definitely a bootleg copy of congyoubanmian.
It's really the first impression of a dirty Chinese restaurant.
People order it to start AND finish a meal.
Most of the recipes online are solid, but just let me badmouth the one from the Momofuku cookbook. The instruction was to whisk everything up like a salad dressing. I tried it once, failed, and blamed myself.
Ten years later, I’m standing up for myself.
Because I feel the need, for heat.
Heat for infusion.
We space jump to a supermarket.
I don't know about you foreigners, but in Australia, you can never EVER acquire a single-serve of scallions/spring onions. The collective noun here is a 'bouquet'. The supermarkets sell you a bouquet of spring onions, for you to go home, use two stalks, and bear witness to decomposition in the fridge.
I think this is the origin of scallion oil.
Preservation.
Some auntie yelling ‘aiya, don’t waste!’
Ever since I started making scallion oil, I look forward to buying scallions.
The roots.
Always start with the roots.
I cut off the (washed) roots of a bouquet of scallions and throw them in the shallow pan/wok with 300ml of cold oil (grapeseed, sunflower, vegetable) on low to medium heat. It should turn brown in six to seven minutes or so. This will impart an earthy tone to the oil. If you ever see 'earthy' in a fine dining tasting menu, it means they've added dirt to your food. That's all. (Hands up anyone who tried Attica’s ‘potato cooked in earth’? Yea you ate soil, and coconut husks.)
In an alternative reality, while you wait for the roots to brown, you julienne the rest of the spring onions. In my reality, julienning is a p in the a. It's good for optics, but no one will judge if you just cut the white stalks into 3cm chunks, and thinly slice the green parts behind closed doors.
The white stalks are thicker and contain more water, so you need to separate them, then smack them hard with your knife.
They also take longer to cook, so once you remove the roots, you add the white stalks into the oil first, and set the timer to five minutes. Remember to stir them around.
I take this time to thinly slice up a knob of ginger, a few shallots, and Shanghainese please look away - a few cloves of garlic, and drop them into the oil. Apparently the proper ‘authentic’ Shanghainese way does not contain garlic, but I hope the recent lockdown taught them to not be picky about food.
Once you see the white scallions turning a little brown, add the remaining green bits. It'll overreact and bubble over. Relax and keep stirring.
Set the timer to another 5 minutes, but keep an eye on it. They go from 0 to 100 just like that.
Remember, making scallion oil is simply getting rid of the water in the scallions.
Once they reach your desired level of brownness (I'm a pu-erh brown kinda guy), strain the oil, and leave all the oniony bits in the strainer to cool and crisp up.
Also remember, the onions will keep cooking after you strain them, so strain a shade before your preference.
What you have now is your scallion oil. Keep in a jar, use for stir fry, pasta, salad, ramen, moisturiser, perfume.
Now I lied.
I lied like Jamie who sold you a book about making three-course dinners in 15 minutes.
I said scallion oil noodles consist of only three ingredients.
We actually need, for one serving of noodles - 1 tbsp of the scallion oil, 2 tsp soy sauce, 1 tsp sugar, 1 tsp oyster sauce, a few drops of Zhenjiang vinegar, and shaoxing wine.
Pro tip: a touch of miso, chilli sauce, sambal, fish sauce, honey, tahini, all kosher.
Whisk them up as you cook your noodles. When it comes to noodles - dried is fine, frozen ones are better, and handmade is best. If you’re in the Asian grocery , look for 阳春面. But you know, any type of noodles go.
Cook them to al dente, drain and toss with your sauce, and add your now crispy scallion-shallot-garlic-Chinese-furikake topping.
Jokes on you, inflation, recession, and rising oil prices.
I’ve been making these since 2020.
*If you haven't already, please watch Everything Everywhere All At Once. It’s the best action/sci-fi/art-house movie of the year. I can't believe people ship Crazy Rich Asians and ShangChi, but not EEAAO. The best Asian movie isn't that one with an all-Asian cast; it's the one with an all-Asian cast plus ONE token caucasian.
Jamie did us all dirty with 15 minute meals