Casting Call For Beautiful People.
The universe knows I’m an introvert.
My Fukuoka ‘52 places to visit’ in 20241 NYT, Gourmet Traveller’s Lunar New Year, and the Omotenashi Japan issue... all happened while I was overseas.
If a writing is published and no one is there to read it, does it make a sound?
Two weeks ago, we were camping, and I saw Captain America subscribing to this newsletter. A few days later, an email asking if I’d participate in a ‘How I Melbourne’ segment for the Melbourne Food and Wine Festival.
Sure, but I get to buy you lunch and interview you in return.
I didn’t say that out loud, but that was the plan.
The questionnaire was alright, fun even.
I spent more time and effort on it than I’m willing to admit2.
My issue was the landscape portrait. I had none.
No time for a haircut. No wardrobe.
And I have not been showering for longer than I’m willing to admit.
My wife knows, but doesn’t care that I’m an introvert.
When Chika saw the people on the ‘people’ section of MFWF website, she said: “You can’t be seen like this, these are cool people. Important people.”
Hey I am cool. I am somewhat important to the -
“No listen, you need a sweater. Maybe my sweater.”
I’m not sure which was worse - my daughter’s mother thinking that cross-dressing was my ticket to coolness, or the fact that I actually put on her sweater3.
Ok, so I can’t be cool suddenly, but what do I have that cool Melburnians don’t? Irony, and self-deprecating humour.
What do we have here that the cool Melburnians don’t? The nature.
My portrait with actual landscape. Landscape. Portrait. An inside joke.
Get it?
Blank stare.
Ok, how about me, looking like I own the river, being part of nature. Strangers will think it’s so wanky while friends and family will know it’s the biggest lie in the world, because I hate *wagging finger* all of this.
Confused stare.
In the end, I had to burden Hana’s godfather with my camera, as I fake-crossed a river multiple times.
I’d much rather talk shit about other people than about myself.
But as I pieced the questions together, I thought it was an honest love letter4 to the city. A great opportunity to reflect.
After cutting down 50% of the spots, I still have enough off-cuts to provide Captain America with two options5 on what to do in the city. I wish I could say more about Footscray, North Melbourne, Carlton6, even.
I hope when Melburnians read it, the names will project the same memories in your occipital lobe and temporal lobe that I have for the last 20 years. I don’t care about the other most liveable Scandinavian cities in the world - food depth wise we are number one.
Non-Melburnians? Wish you were here.
The piece went live as I was rushing to pick up my daughter from Code Camp.
I cringed when I saw ‘author’ next to my name.
This time, it feels pretty real.
Urgent Casting Call.
I’m an introvert, but I’m also starting a food photography class, hosted by an international travel company.
They have assigned a photographer (some stud name Bryan) to document the experience on 14th (Wed) or 15th (Thu) May afternoon around 12pm.
The location? Kazuki’s, a two-hat French technique, Japanese chef, and Australian ingredient fine-dining restaurant along Lygon Street.
The Man In The Elevator.
He spoke to us, probably because he heard us speaking Japanese to each other.
So yes, my retired taitais and/or jobless friends7, I need you.
Four to five of youse.
It will be a mock-lesson to harvest 6-8 shots and a short video of us pointing at food, me with hand gestures, pondering the philosophy of photography. Like fake-crossing a river.
I will also take you through some tricks and pro-tips8 we use to improve food photography.
It’s free9 and Kazuki will serve snacks. Shouldn’t take more than 90 minutes.
If that’s something you or someone you know would be interested, please reply to this email.
I swear this is the last time I’ll milk this.
More than this newsletter.
We have photo proof.
A yucky thing to say, but I cross-dressed last week so let me be.
They went with both.
Actually here’s my original answer for the first question before I decided to be simple minded and sound less like a promo video:
My local is schizo. Ying Thai 2, Saigon Pho, Tambo Ciek, Kantin, and Taiwan Village are shoulder to shoulder just outside my apartment. Coffee alone I have Assembly, Good Measure, Market Lane, Parco, Heartattack & Vine, Madeleine, Vertue, Sunhands and Vincent the dog. Right across my home is The Lincoln - one of the best gastro pub in Melbourne, with local beers on tap and overachieving food. Kazuki – the spiritual successor of Tetsuya carrying the baton of Japanese French cuisine in Australia –is my neighbour. My daughter is a fan of the mochi monaka ice cream from Hareruya, not realising how far ahead of the curve Beko Gelato is. The ladies from Dumplings Max are the purveyors of the best no-frills dumplings (try boiled, soup and pan-fried in that order) in town.
Or sneak out during lunch break.
Tip no.1: Start with a fine dining restaurant with beautiful dishes.
You will be photographed and may appear on a multi-national website. Hey remember, when something is free, then you’re the product.