Soft Shell Power.
The rain turned the road to milk chocolate at the checkpoint. Hana held on to Chika. The officer took our papers, his gaze lingering on Chika.
“Where are you coming from?” he asked.
I answered before she could. In his language, with the fluency of someone who had visited Shanghai, Hong Kong, Ipoh, and Box Hill, I spoke of 90s Cantopop, the death of 大S, of wonton noodles, of Huawei and Taobao, spring onion pancakes, people I once knew—just enough truth to blur the lines.
He handed back our papers. I reached for them, but he wouldn’t let go. His grip tightened. “If you’re one of us,” he said in Mandarin, “tell me—what are the Eight Great Cuisines of China?”
I didn’t hesitate. “Shandong, Sichuan, Guangdong, Jiangsu, Zhejiang, Fujian, Hunan, Anhui,” I paused, then continued. “鲁菜Lǔcài is bold and salty, 川菜Chuāncài numbing and spicy, 粤菜Yuècài mild and fresh. 苏菜Sūcài favors delicate sweetness, 浙菜Zhècài seafood, 闽菜Mǐncài soups, 湘菜Xiāngcài chili and smoke, 徽菜Huīcài wild mountain flavours.”
The officer studied me, smirked and released his grip.
“Go. Quickly.”
I gripped my family’s hands as we walked through, not breathing until the sloppy sounds of footprints disappeared into the night behind us.
I lost count of the times I had the above dream/fantasy.
That one day, my second language1 will turn from useless to useful.
One day, my mandarin will save my family in a Chinese version of Schindler’s list. Or A Beautiful Life.
Here’s another story:
A mother caught her kid with an addiction to the White Rabbit candy. She’s quite worried that she doesn’t understand the ingredients or if she trusts the manufacturer (how is the wrapper soluble, and why is it a selling point?). So she announces a straight ban on White Rabbit. Candy is candy. The kid will move on to snakes, mentos, Jelly Beans, you know, our type of candy.
A week later, she checks up on the kid, asking if he’s ok.
“It’s ok mum, I don’t need White Rabbit anymore,” he said.
“Oh wow, great, good job-”
“I found haw flakes!” The kid exclaims.
”What?”
“I went online, and learned Mandarin using Duolingo and found these red disc shape candies called haw flakes. It slaps, mum. And you know what, Chinese are nice online. They told me which brand to buy, which brand to avoid, I LOVE China.”
Did you get the last analogy reflecting Tiktok, America, and China?
Don’t worry, you’ll get there eventually.
It is so American, and so ‘Western’2 of us to still think that the world revolves around the same ‘English good; Mandarin bad’ idealogy instilled over fifty years ago. Yoga instructors tell us that change is possible, yet at the same time, we refuse to acknowledge other people can change.
Eg., an old communist country can be a first-world superpower in less than fifty years.
Eg., a conservative nation can be liberal too.
Pop quiz hot shot: what is Cheng Du famous for, after Sichuan food and pandas?
Gays.
No, I’m not insulting you, hot shot.
Cheng Du is so knee-deeped in LGBTQ it is nicknamed ‘Gay Du’.
Can Melburnians comprehend that a city in China is more open and liberal than our Green party?
That lady in the video, she didn’t just say ‘none of your business’ she said ‘none of your fucking business.’
If you’ve been to China in the last five years or so, you’d understand when I say China does not care about what we (Australia) think.
They are too busy progressing.
We are but flies that appear when they are trying to buy beef at the supermarket counter.
Pop quiz hot shot:
What was the biggest hit show, this time last year?
It was The Three Body Problem.
Based on a sci-fi novel by Liu Ci Xin, written in 2008.
One of the subtexts is the critique and danger of the authoritarian (government or alien) control over knowledge and progress.
What was the most impactful AAA video game released last year?
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